May 2025 // Leadership & Personality Disorders

These days, the term “narcissist” gets thrown around a lot; your ex, your manager, or that colleague who won’t stop talking about themselves. But being confident, blunt, or difficult doesn’t automatically mean someone has Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). Disliking someone or finding them frustrating isn’t enough. Clinical narcissism is much more complex, and when it shows up in a workplace, especially within a power dynamic like a manager-employee relationship, it can be profoundly damaging.

Let’s look at what narcissism actually means, how to tell the difference between traits and a disorder, and what to do if you’re working under someone who truly fits the profile.

What Is the DSM-5 and What Does It Say About Narcissism?

The DSM-5-TR (short for Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition) is the most widely used reference for diagnosing mental health conditions. It’s published by the American Psychiatric Association and is currently the latest version (as of 2022). It provides specific, evidence-based criteria for diagnosing psychological disorders, including personality disorders like NPD.

According to the DSM-5, Narcissistic Personality Disorder is defined as:

A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behaviour), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts.

To be diagnosed, someone must consistently show at least five of the following:

1. Inflated sense of self-importance.
2. Preoccupied with fantasies of success, power, or beauty.
3. Belief they are special and should associate only with other special people.
4. Need for constant admiration.
5. Sense of entitlement.
6. Exploitation of others.
7. Lack of empathy.
8. Envy of others or belief others envy them.
9. Arrogant or haughty behaviour.

These aren’t just bad habits. They’re deeply ingrained patterns that affect every part of the person’s life, including their leadership approach and behaviours.

A narcissistic manager might say things like:

• “This team would fall apart without me.”
• “I only work with people who operate at my level.”
• “Why should I wait in line? I’m the one in charge.”
• “I don’t care if she’s burned out. We all have to hustle.”

They genuinely believe they are superior and deserve special treatment. They also tend to dismiss or exploit others, seeing people as tools to be used rather than humans with needs.

Narcissistic Traits vs Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Many people, especially in high-pressure or competitive environments like business or politics, show narcissistic traits. They might be self-centred, attention-seeking, or dismissive of others; but that doesn’t mean they have a clinical disorder. This is often called subclinical narcissism. These people might still be able to reflect on their actions, show empathy in some situations, or change over time.

NPD, on the other hand, is persistent, rigid, and causes significant problems in relationships, work, and emotional wellbeing. The key difference is not just in what they do; it’s that they do it most of the time, in every area of life, and they don’t see a problem.

In short, the key difference is in consistency, intensity, and harm. A person with narcissistic traits might rub you the wrong way. A person with narcissistic personality disorder will slowly erode your confidence, sanity, and sense of safety at work.

Signs Your Manager Might Be a Narcissist

Here’s how narcissistic behaviour often shows up at work:

• They take credit for your work and dismiss your contributions. Example: “Yes, he helped, but it was my idea from the start.”
• They dismiss feedback and punish anyone who challenges them. Example: “You’re being negative. Maybe this isn’t the right role for you.”
• They react with rage or coldness when challenged. Example: “You clearly don’t understand what it takes to be successful here.”
• They’re obsessed with their own image. Example: “I want this presentation to be perfect. It has to make me look intelligent.”
• They use charm selectively, often to manipulate or gain control. They may praise you one day, then ignore or belittle you the next.
• They use people and discard them. Example: Getting close to employees who can help them rise, then ignoring them once they’re no longer useful.
• They seek admiration constantly but never reciprocates appreciation. Example: “Let’s talk about how I saved that deal last quarter…” (for the fifth time).
• They don’t respect boundaries or personal time. Example: “Cancel your plans tonight. I need this by tomorrow morning.”

How Is Narcissism Different from Other Disorders?

It’s easy to confuse NPD with other personality disorders, especially because there’s some overlap. Here’s how to tell the difference:

• Borderline Personality Disorder is usually marked by unstable emotions and a deep fear of abandonment. Narcissists don’t usually have that instability because their self-image is rigid (even if inflated).
• Histrionic Personality Disorder: Focused on emotional expression and attention-seeking, often through drama or flirtation. Narcissists seek admiration, not necessarily attention for attention’s sake.
• Antisocial Personality Disorder involves deceit, manipulation, and often aggression. Narcissists can be exploitative, but they’re not necessarily violent or criminal.

The most obvious red flag for narcissism is grandiosity, meaning an unshakable belief in their own greatness, brilliance, or importance. They often think they’re above rules, procedures, or criticism.

How to Deal With a Narcissistic Manager

1. Distance Yourself

This is the most important point: you can’t fix a narcissist. Narcissistic managers very rarely change. They may charm or manipulate temporarily, but over time they will drain you emotionally, mentally, and even physically.

No matter how smart, skilled, or resillient you are, dealing with a narcissist long-term will wear you down. It can damage your self-esteem, harm your relationships, and lead to anxiety, burnout, or even depression.

Start looking for a way out. Quietly update your CV, look for roles elsewhere, and build relationships with people who can help you transition out.

2. Set Boundaries (Without Apology)

Don’t over-explain. Don’t justify. Just be firm. Say, “I’m not available at that time” instead of “I’ve been working all weekend and really need a break.” They don’t care, and explaining gives them an opening to push harder.

3. Stay Calm and Detached

You won’t win an argument with a narcissist. Stay professional and emotionally neutral. Don’t give them the reaction they want. If they try to provoke you, respond with calm, short replies. Think ‘grey rock’.

The ‘grey rock’ method involves becoming intentionally uninteresting and unresponsive to disengage with a narcissist and discourage their manipulative tactics. The goal is to make them lose interest in you by denying them the emotional and attention-seeking responses they crave.

4. Avoid Trying to Please Them

Their admiration is conditional and constantly shifting. Even if you do everything right, they’ll find something wrong. Don’t chase their approval or validation. Focus on doing your job well, and keeping your sanity intact.

5. Document Everything

Keep a written record of meetings, decisions, and interactions. Save emails. Take notes. This protects you if you need to go to HR or defend yourself against false claims. If you are in HR, your are in an even tougher spot. Meticulous documentation is your first line of defence.

6. Get External Support

You’ll need a space to process your experience. Talk to someone: a therapist, coach, trusted friend. Narcissistic abuse can make even the most competent person feel lost or broken. You are not the problem, but you may need help getting back to yourself.

Conclusion

Working under a narcissist is hard. You’ll question yourself. You’ll feel drained. You might start to think you’re the problem. You’re not.

Whether your manager has narcissistic traits or full-blown NPD, the outcome is the same: emotional fatigue, career stagnation, and long-term mental health consequences if you stay too long.

You deserve to work in an environment where your value is recognised, your boundaries respected, and your well-being protected.

If you’re navigating this kind of toxic leadership and need support, reach out.

Author: Our Founder, Dr. Maria Loumpourdi, is an EMCC-accredited Senior Practitioner Coach with a doctorate in Leadership Development and a master’s degree in Psychology and the Neuroscience of Mental Health, alongside extensive experience in senior HR leadership roles.